literature

Kylo Ren x Reader: It Doesn't Matter Pt. 6

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    For the first time in weeks, I had felt peace. Quiet, tranquil, unperturbed peace.

    Kylo Ren had been growing closer to me over the days. His obvious anxiety had subsided, and he was able to talk to me without a hostile tone. He seemed to have put aside some of his duties to waste time listening to me speak. Not more than three days after the kiss he left me with did he (hesitantly) wrap his arm around my shoulder. It had gotten to the point where long periods of silence between conversations were no longer discomforting; it was simply the presence of each other that the both of us enjoyed most.

    I was willing to go along with his actions, eager for anything new he might do. A touch on the arm or my head cradled under his brought more of a sense of safety rather than passion, but security was what I wanted most at the moment. I refused to question my relationship with him any further than I already had, deciding to simply follow along with whatever Kylo did. There were times where I felt uneasy, such as being with him around other Starkiller personnel; each time they saw the two of us together, they always threw suspicious gazes. Kylo didn't seem to notice, or care, but I felt as though a blaster was being held to my back.

    My fear of being shamed by the Resistance for my actions had been quieted as well. I had used the excuse that I no longer owed any favors to them, except an oath of secrecy I had taken a few years ago. I doubted General Organa was even wondering where I was at this point. Delmi and Alavai I would never see again; I had no clue what had happened to Poe Dameron, but I doubted that he was dead - he was too smart to have lost his life to the First Order. 

    So there I was, lying on a stiff leather couch, with my head resting in Kylo's lap. His fingers were slowly running through my hair, giving me a sense of peace. We were in his quarters; it was the only place I felt truly safe, and it was simple, with nothing but black decorations. I rarely ventured out of this room, unless the need to see other human beings caught up with me.

    But now - now was perfect. Now was the best time I had experienced in my life so far, and I didn't want now to end.

    Kylo's voice gently pulled me from my thoughts. "What are you thinking right now?"

    I let out a tranquil sigh. "Nothing..."

    "A good nothing?" he asked.

    "A perfect nothing."
    
    He hummed in response, continuing to thread my hair with his warm fingers.

    "What are you thinking about?" I asked, in return, trying not to let the moment die off into uneasy silence.

    For a moment, Kylo hesitated. "My sins." the words came out in a shallow tone. "Everything I've ever done, and how I feel nothing of it, except what I did to you."

    "I wish you wouldn't," I answered softly, "I don't care what happened before; we only knew so little about each other at the time. I was nothing more than a pilot to you, and you were nothing more than my enemy. It's now that matters, because now we see each other for the better."

    Silence calmly roamed about the room. Though he never gave a reply to my last words, I knew he accepted them. It wasn't the only time he'd apologized for torturing me, and it wasn't the only time I'd explained to him that it didn't matter. 

    However, the questions returned to my mind: what if he's using me? What if this is Stockholm Syndrome? What if everything I had pieced together with him was just an excuse for me to avoid death by his hand, and for him to have someone who would listen to anything he said? It was all there, swimming through my head, pushing the peace away and replacing it with anxiety I knew was unnecessary. 

    I couldn't help but word those questions.

    "Do you ever think that we might be making all of this up, just to keep each other entertained?" the question sounded harsher in words than it did in my head.

    Kylo faltered. "What do you mean, exactly?"

    "Well," I searched my head for the right words, "Do you ever wonder if we should really be this close to each other? Should we even be speaking to each other like this? What I'm asking is, what if we're not supposed to... happen. What if this will never work?"

    Once again, silence. Except this time, it was an uncomfortable void of sound. I pondered whether my question had left him aghast. 

    "I can't say that I have," he finally responded, "I just let everything fall into place. I've often thought that the force might have started this, but I can't be sure."

    "But what's holding us together?" I asked, turning my head to look up at him. "Why are we, two completely different people who fought for the opposite sides, so drawn to each other? What if we're trying to build something that can't stand? I feel like... like maybe this is just some nonsense we're trying to account for only to feel something." I didn't want to believe anything I had just said. Everything that had happened since I had met Kylo was pulling me closer to him each time. I couldn't feel any danger between the two of us anymore - for the first time in all of the time I'd spent with him, it all felt safe.

    Kylo sighed thoughtfully; I could tell he didn't like the questions, either. I immediately resented ever asking them, fearing he might realize that there was nothing to gain in loving me.

    "I can't say." he said, his voice now tired. "You may be right - we could end up falling apart, even after everything we've decided on, and I'm not certain what will become of us if that does occur. This may all be for nothing, as far as we know. But you and I both know that there is something there keeping us together; you've felt it, and so have I. And until we figure out if we're strong enough to do this, we just have to trust what we feel right now. I don't want to lose you to petty worries and fears."

    His words comforted me, making me feel secure in the moment. I'd never thought of him having any words of wisdom in his head, only confused emotions and wrathful thoughts. It was almost as if I sensed the change in him; not a life-changing one, but merely a recognition of some sort, as if he'd learned a new fact about the world. 

    "Could we try to work things out that way, before we come to any conclusions?" he asked, almost warily.

    I nodded, and he resumed to pet my hair. 

    What he had said was enough for me. Enough to push aside the questions for good, enough to make me at peace again. I would figure out what was good and what was bad as the both of us went along. Besides, I wouldn't have been able to tell if things would work out before now. So I allowed myself to relax once more, focusing on the rhythm of his fingers stroking the threads of my hair. 

    His warm, gentle fingers...

    The soft feeling...

    The wonderful feeling of my surroundings being safe enough to fall asleep.



                                                                            - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -




    Pain. Sudden pain. Sharp Pain. Too much, it was hurting too much...

    My eyes broke open, attempting to find the source of the pain. My head throbbed angrily from the blow, though I still wasn't sure where I had been hit. My surroundings, which I could barely process, began to turn violently in a blur, making me dizzy. I fell from a short distance and onto the cold ground, gripping my stomach. 

    Why does it hurt? What hit me?

   
I looked up to face General Hux, disoriented and infuriated. His eyes were crazed with anger, and pieces of his hair had fallen from their natural hold and into his face. It sent a cold shiver down my spine.

    Just as I had seen who my attacker was, he swung his foot straight into my stomach. 

    The blow threw me back as my gut twisted with pain. I felt my body clash against the hard ground, making the throbbing in my head grow into a quickening pulse. my limbs couldn't react in time, and for a few moments, I struggled to pull myself into an upright position. I pressed my hand to my stomach as it wrenched uncomfortably, and my rib cage moved jaggedly with each breath.

    "How in god's name did you get in here?!" Hux shouted, his voice thick with menace and obvious threat. 

    I looked up to find his face to find it contorted with rage. His eyes showed clear vexation I had only ever seen in Kylo's eyes. His stance was tense, and his hands were curled into shaking fists. I'd never imagined him this enraged; the whole while that he had tortured me had he kept his cool. His frightening demeanor left me speechless, as did each painful breath I took. 

    Impatient for my answer, Hux kicked me again, this time on the side of the head. It slammed against the wall behind me, and I was sure I heard a crack resonate throughout my skull. Confusion flooded my mind as I felt blood pouring out of the side of my temple. I couldn't react to the smell of metal filling my nose, only the fact that I had to escape, and quickly.

    Hux spoke angrily through his teeth. "How did you escape?!"

    Escape? "I didn't!" I croaked an answer through the pain. "I didn't escape, I swear!"

    "Oh, come on!" Hux now sneered, though his eyes still showed that he was enraged. "Do you expect me to believe that someone let you out? Do you think I'm that daft?!"

    Suddenly, he pulled out a blaster pistol from his belt. I shied away at the sight of it.

    "You don't want to play this game again, do you?!" he shouted. "Because we know who won last time!"

    I waited for the shot; my mind was frantic with anticipation. My fingers trembled as they held my head against the wall. My eyes were shut tight; I was too afraid to open them, fearing it might be the last thing I would ever see.

    But it never came. My anxiety grew with each second that was void of the pain I should have felt. In my head, I imagined the sound of the blaster firing, again and again, straight into my brain. Or worse, anywhere but my brain, slowing my death and, once again, torturing me as he had done before. I wanted the final blow - I shouldn't have to wait.

    But still, nothing happened.

    Gathering up my courage, I forced my nearly-paralyzed head to turn back to the source of the danger.

    Hux was dangling in the air, his hands tightly clenched around his neck. His eyes showed fear, and his throat was making inhuman noises. The blaster lay on the ground, still loaded and seemingly lethal. I was too shocked at the moment to process anything more than the fact that he was the one in pain, and I was still in tact.

    Just as I was slowly putting the pieces together, Kylo Ren swiftly walked in. His hand was outstretched in the direction of Hux's neck, shaking from the tension in his fingers. He was clearly furious; I understood by the way he clenched his jaw and his furrowed brow. 

    Slowly, Hux began to descend back onto the ground, where he choked in angry gasps of air. Immediately after his feet touched the floor, Kylo fiercely gripped him by the collar with both hands and shoved him against the wall behind. 

    "Get off me!!" Hux shouted hoarsely. "Have you lost your goddamn mind?!"

    "I should be the one asking you that!!" Kylo spat back his reply. 

    Hux faltered as he regained his cool. "I was passing by, when I saw her through your window. I wasn't aware that she was your pet, now."

    "She is not my pet." Kylo roughly released Hux's collar, stepping back. "And you will not touch her, unless your wish is to die a slow and excruciating death!!" The words seethed through his clenched teeth.

    Angrily flustered, Hux straightened his trench coat. He looked at me, his expression confounded yet furious. I felt my heart rate increase in fear, and time seemed to slow down, making Hux's glare last ages. I eventually turned my head away, feeling the source of the blood flow from my head. 

    "Leave." Kylo said, his voice thick with menace and threat. 

    Hux glanced one last time at him, with a small hint of vengeance on his face, before quickly striding out of the room. Kylo continued to stare at him until he was out of the doorway.

    I watched him leave, and only when he was out of my field of vision did I feel relief. I exhaled the breath I had been holding on to for what seemed like hours, and the tears continued to spill down my cheeks. Not only that, but the blood from the side of my head wouldn't stop pouring out, though I felt nothing except my stomach twisting uncomfortably. 

    Kylo rushed over to me, kneeling down on the floor to observe my head. I couldn't see his face, but the sharp inhale he took told me that it was a serious injury. I wanted to look at him for just a second, but my gut interfered, making me curl up in pain.

    "I'm taking you to Medbay." he said, and I soon felt myself being scooped into his arms.
Oh my goodness.... it's done.... it's finished.... now I can return to the shire...

Not yet, there'll be hell to come in the next chapters. Sans Rage Intensifies Chat Emoticon :angry: 

But MAN, is this way overdue. It got to the point where I couldn't stand looking in my inbox and finding all the progress that other people were making their xReaders, I just had to push myself and do it... at 1:40 in the morning... ah, it's all good, I can study for that Sonography Tech quiz tomorrow.

Big thanks to :iconrensknight: for all the support, and to :iconkukatachi: for the best cover photo!!\

Now to work on part 7... (halp)
© 2016 - 2024 ijudgelove
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happysnailtail's avatar
Omg I'm gonna kill Hux...
Scuse my french...
But he's a nastyy bitch...
I love Kylo petting my har.
So great!! :)